Guest Blog by Caregiver Kayla Bradley
Dear Fellow Caregivers.
I know that life may not be easy. It is really not rewarding sometimes. I will never say that life is easy. I also will never say that it is hopeless. I have learned a lot in the last few years and would like to share them with you. Just a small disclosure what I have been through may never happen to you. The way I handle the situation may not work for you. Each of our husbands are different and because of that each situation may be different.
Today must pass. Every day is different. Today may be a rough day and tomorrow may be worse. I remember a few weeks ago thinking that Times could never be as bad as they are right now. Then one night Chris and I were having one of our nightly conversation, we decided to discuss how hard things really were. We started talking about the past and ALL the times that if could never be as bad as it is right now. Many of those times things were A LOT worse than they are right now. After talking about that we discussed what it was that really brought us through. We decided it was a few things: (1) Never giving up (2) Relying on God. (3)Relying on each other and (4) Not really knowing how bad the situation was until it was OVER. I say that because when we look back at the times we went through the tough stuff I am amazed I made it through what I have. Most of the time I say I was living in the moment and was so goal oriented that I did not realize it was so bad. It may not seem like it right now but you will move past one bad time and I hate to say it but I am willing to bet you will reach another hard time. That is part of life for everyone. It does seem that as a caregiver your “bad times” do not actually have to be yours but may be your husbands or other persons. Caregivers tent to take on others hard time and make them theirs. Please pick your own hard times.
Keep a plan. No battle is won without a plan. I am in no way saying that the plan will all go your way but it really does help to make a plan and try to follow it. If your plan is to have your spouse get care for his or her head injury at X Polytrauma center know that my not happen but Fight and work for that plan. But also be ready to move on if they say we can’t you into X center but we have you an appointment with Y Polytrauma. Who knows it may be better then what the first one was anyways. Even though your plan was specific your actual goal was to get him the care he needed and he did get that care.
Choose your Battles. I know this goes along the topic of above. You have to decide how important the fight is to your health and wellness. If there are other ways to get to the desired goal then do them. Sometimes it is better in the long run.
Sad truth. You may (and most likely) will lose some friends and even family. They do not understand and really can’t understand. Some will come back but most never will. There is good news even with that. You have a VERY large family of other caregivers. These people will be there for you when it feels like no one is there. You can call them, email them or Facebook them any minute of any day. They will always love and respect you. I am one of those ladies. If you ever need a friend I will be there as an ear for a friend.
You are never alone. There are OVER 5 million other Caregivers across the country. Connect to them. If you do not know how then please contact someone like myself we will get you connected. There are also many organizations like The Elizabeth Dole Foundation, Hearts of Valor and Wounded Warrior Project that work hard to get you connected.
Know that you are cared for and loved. I will write more as the time goes on.
Your friend,
Kayla
About The Author:
I met my Husband (now) in 2004. It was not long that he and I were best friends. We talked daily until the time that he was deployed to Kuwait (2006- 2007). During that time I changed from being a police officer to going into corrections and hated that we could not make the decision together but I knew he would support me. In March of 2007 he called just as our day of training was winding up. I had just been made a squadron leader and was so excited because I was the first female to be given any leadership roles. I was going to be graduating in just 3 weeks. That night would change my life forever. He ask how long it would take me to get to a computer. I ask 2 of my classmates to please go with me to Burger King so I could do a video chat with my best friend. They already knew it was more than that. They said sure. We were setting at the same table. The 2 of them were talking and I got on waiting for Chris to get on. When he did get on he ask me how things were going and I told him all about my day. At that point I heard an explosion. He looked at the guy behind him and then back at me and said that it sounded like a mortar came in but it was not that close. He seemed un-phased by it. He then said he wanted to talk to me about something very important. He told me he was going to re-enlist and stay active duty when he got home the next month. I said that was fine I would support him in that. He said I still need to ask you something else. At that point a very large Explosion came in and rocked the tent. Chris turned to the guy behind him ask him if they needed to get off. They said I do not hear alarms. Must not be that bad. Chris came back and said I only think we have a minute or 2 left so I need to ask you if you will date me. I said no I cant we are best friends and I do not want to mess that up. At that time the closest explosion hit (I later found out it was a Mortar round). He and his computer landed on the ground. My friends watched the color leave my face so they came behind me and the 3 of us watched the screen of a lifeless body lying in front of me for over 15 minutes. I felt like my world was going to end. I just told my best friend I did not want a relationship when I knew I loved him more than anyone else in world. When the feed went dead I closed down my computer and went back to the academy. My roommate went and woke up the SGT. and told him we had just seen my boyfriend killed on the chat. He made arrangements for me to have my phone with me in all my classes for the call we were expecting. The call came a week later from him. He called stating that they came under attack and he never made it to the communication tent. The only thing he remembered was waking up in medical. He still does not remember anything of that attack. We went on our first date July 17, 2007. We were engaged July 18, 2007 and Married September 20, 2007.
Today I take care of him full time. He has balance issues, almost no cognitive memory, he has severe PTSD, TBI, Depression and Migraines. He also has IBS, a Heart condition, sinus and respiratory issues. He has a constant rash on his arms, legs and neck. We have no answers on what causes all these issues but we are working on treating them. I never give up and never will.
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The views expressed in this article at those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the OPW57 Board or the organization as a whole.
